When you hear of walk in our Shoes, what does that mean? Empathy right? And when you hear of black lives matter, what comes to mind? Racism, Discrimination, Prejudice, social injustice etc.
According to the dictionary meaning, Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To understand is to know how a person feels and why the person behaves in a particular way.
Brené Brown, definition states that “Empathy is communicating that incredible healing message of ‘You’re not alone”. Empathy is an element of emotional intelligence and the good thing about empathy is that it can be learnt.
EMPATHY VERSUS REACTION
We may sometimes have people who are close to us such as our spouses, partner, friends, relatives etc. who are stressed out in their jobs, relationships, personal lives etc. And they come to us seeking for us to just listen and maybe validate their feelings but what they get from us is reaction. Nobody in this situation wants reaction. Depending on the mode of the reaction, reacting may result to you invalidating whatever they are going through or trying to offer unsolicited help.
It is important to show empathy. If you walk in someone’s shoes, you will shoe empathy. Irrespective of the kind of empathy you show, it is still such much more comforting than reacting.
3 TYPES OF EMPATHY
Psychologist put together 3 types of Empathy to enable us understand Empathy on a deeper level.
COGNITIVE EMPATHY: This can be defined as simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. It is also sometimes called perspective taking (Daniel Goleman 1995, Author of Emotional intelligence). This kind of empathy is useful in the work place for negotiations and to motivate others etc. Cognitive empathy is about acknowledging another person’s situation and feelings but does not involve connecting with their emotions. You understand that there is a situation, you may as well see it but emotionally, you cannot relate to it.
EMOTIONAL EMPATHY: This is connecting with the emotions of others. It is catching another person’s feeling. A typical example of Emotional Empathy is the one that exists between a mother and a child. There is that connection that when a child is hurting, the mother feels it too like she is the one hurting. Emotional Empathy is a requirement in some professions like in the medical line, coaching, human relations etc. Most medical professional have had to become so emotionally attached to their patience that they become emotionally overwhelmed, on the other hand trying to build up defences against empathy can result to coldness and lack of care. There should be a balance.
COMPASSIONATE EMPATHY: This is acknowledging what a person feels, connecting with that person on an emotional level and taking profound actions to mitigate it. Walking in people’s shoes is showing compassionate empathy which involves intellectual, emotional connection and taking action. No matter what that person’s situation is, you are comfortable listening to them and wanting to help them. I have heard some people say that they are not comfortable talking about Racism. However if you are able to develop your compassionate empathy capacity, it shouldn’t be an issue to talk about.
BLACK LIVES MATTER
We all are aware of the recent killing of a black man called George Floyd who was treated with police brutality. This eventually led to his death. Watching the video of how he was tortured shows how the lives of black people have been treated with disregard and how humanity have been disregarded at large.
His death brought a lot of uproar around the world with some people of the white community showing some sort of empathy. Some have shown cognitive empathy while some emotional empathy but what we actually need and asking for is compassionate empathy. And it is why the black community are all about black lives matter.
Discrimination against black people is something that we all can attest to it happening around us and in some parts of the world. It happens in schools, social gatherings and we cannot also deny that it happens in the work place. Unless of course we want to be in denial of it. Yes, it’s more paramount in some parts of the world and it does exist in the UK as well but in a kind of subtle way when compared these other parts of the world. It is there in the subconscious, you can see it beneath some careless talks termed banters.
HOW CAN YOU WALK IN OUR SHOES
SPEAK UP AGAINST IT: It not just okay to know and understand that these things are happening. To walk in our Shoes, you need to speak against racism. I have heard people say I am not taking sides. It is not okay to be on the fence. It’s either you are for it or against it. In whatever position you find yourself, use your voice to speak up against it. Do not stay silent? Staying silent means you are for it or maybe indifferent.
SHOW KINDNESS: kindness simply means to be considerate, helpful and having a thought for other people’s feelings. You can show kindness through acts like using kind words, recognising us when we go above and when we put great efforts into our work. You show kindness by giving us recognition for our hard work.
SHOW FAIRNESS: Fairness simply means treating people equally in a way that is right or reasonable. There are stories and I have seen situations where black people have had to work twice as hard more than their counterparts to be to be seen or heard. All we ask and demand is that black people should be treated fairly. Do not discriminate against us because of the colour of our skin.
The question now is, when will black lives matter? The answer is when blacks are being treated fairly and are not judged by the colour of their skin. Do not forget that blacks are humans too. We have feelings and feel the pain and hurt. We deserve equal rights as the privileged ones. Any black man or woman killed or discriminated against is somebody’s son/daughter, father/mother, brother/sister, uncle/aunt, nephew/niece and cousin. We are tired of living in fear of our survival. Yes all lives matter but only when black lives matter too. Walk in our Shoes and take action.
I will conclude with this quote
When we look at modern man, we have to face the fact that modern man suffers from a kind of poverty of the spirit, which stands in glaring contrast with a scientific and technological abundance. We have learned to fly the air as birds, we’ve learned to swim the seas as fish yet we haven’t learnt to walk the Earth as brothers and sisters – Martin Luther King Jr.
Reference
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